If you die in college, do you die in real life?
so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
Randomize
