how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
What’s the best way to find out if he’s into anal?
I think you have the wrong number, but good luck with that
Randomize
