Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
Was just hit on by a guy with 2 kids and one was named Rocky. I need to get out of Buena Park.
i just google searched "what time does taco bell open"
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
No...this little piggys going to the bar
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
Randomize
