You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
Randomize
