hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
Randomize
