I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
My boss' voice literally gives me gas
That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
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