the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
Is moral bankruptcy something you need to file for?
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
Randomize
