3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
I'm getting the same feeling waiting for the web-page to load that has my final grades that I get when I take a pregnancy test. I think I'm gonna leave my computer for 3 minutes.
How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
You brought string cheese to the strip club
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
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