dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
Found your dick twin last night
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
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