She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
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