my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
I sucked his dick by a creek, how romantic.
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
Dude I had my dad cock block me once
Randomize