glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
Randomize
