I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
How interesting! I'm adding this to my list of things to discuss with you between fucks.
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
We watched scrubs, then I got a shower blowjob which led to shower sex and the living room floor sex. Now she's baking cookies. I may not be studying, but I'm doing something right.
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
Randomize
