i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
He's 5'2" and his dick 4'8"
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
I just put a pill up my vagina. It was little like a quail egg. There is so much happening up there right now.
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
Randomize
