So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
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