one word: firstdatebathroomanal
I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
Is it proper Ass-Fingering-Etiquette to tell her u felt her poop or just pretend it didn't happen?
I love online classes. Spent the last part of my lecture taking apart a teabag and filling it with weed.
Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
Randomize
