so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
Also, I once came to the conclusion after this one boy, that her pleasure condoms are a college boys version of flowers
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
I'll be honest, this year's Vegas trip will be nothing short of disappointing if there's no repeat of the angry ménage a trios in a closet.
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