So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
Legal advice please. Can you sue someone for jerking off to photos of you?
Randomize
