Swine flu is the new snow day.
i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
It's official. I'm gonna fuck hot art class guy. But this won't be like hot Samsung guy. I'm gonna make sure I follow through this time.
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
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