I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
So i decided to deal with the awkwardness of last night by making out with all three of them
my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
Randomize
