He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
Randomize
