hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
All I could understand from his text was "hatchet" "soccer" & "bitch". its safe to say andy has had enough to drink & will be violent soon
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
She came to class yesterday wearing a shirt saying Maybe Partying Will Help. Showed up to class today and puked three times.
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
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