so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
Head-banging is a very stupid way to injur yourself. But this opinion is also coming from somebody who can't walk right because they cut their asshole shaving last night, so it probably has little to no merit.
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
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