Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
This girl looks like a mixture of kathy griffin and bill walton. i havent decided if that is a good thing.
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
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