FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
the mechanics of walkigng feel weird right now everyone lools like a demon
what does alcohol mean
Would you even take no as an answer? I have a feeling you see it more as a challenge.
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
Over Bumbled last night. I think I set my dog up on a date Sunday afternoon. I have to drive him, meet the other dog’s dad and secretly drink a bottle of champagne from a “water bottle”. This is not what I expected 30 to be like.
Randomize
