I didn't know that people actually queef. Is this a real thing?
I believe so, yes.
Would you be offended if I asked if it has happened to you?
Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
I'm hosting my annual valentine's day party tomorrow with every hookup I've ever had. thoughts on how it will turn out ??
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
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