i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
you want to go make fun of the strippers on try out night
i got kicked out last time for laughing
if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
It's almost like sex with her has gotten boring... like it's still good, but the creativity is lacking... it's times like these that i wish she still wanted me to gag her
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
He ate me out in a golf cart while I watched the sunset. You are so right, golf skirts do provide amazing access.
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