I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
he had a cock ring. i orgasmed before he even put it in
Randomize