Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
i need something from you. video yourself doing naked jumping jacks and send it to me. it will make me smile
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
Randomize
