I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
I have a tab of a google image search of onion rings open and it is making me so happy.
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
Randomize
