I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
Saying she let herself go implies she was actually holding on
i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
it was all good until he screamed "for fraaannnceee" on his last thrust
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
yea. Don't mess. He will heal me. But my blowjobs will be historical.
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
Randomize
