He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
I'm pretty sure he sprained my clit...
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
Randomize
