Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me
I really need to stop carrying a flask around with me in my backpack at school..
Aren't you in 8th grade?
9th, but that's not the point.
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
Randomize
