she said i was amazing, then i left to room to take the rubber off and came back to find her masturbating with my xbox controller while niko got a call from roman.
I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
It is not if she takes a guy home Karaoke night. It is how many.
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
how does that bad decision feel?
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
Randomize
