there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
Dude she's on meds. He has a ginormous penis. Ur A dumbass. That concludes our feelings chat. Dim Sumday?
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
i don't know what body building stuff he's on, but his cum is basically a 5 hour energy shot.
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
Do you have feelings for this penis?
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
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