from now on my penis is your penis
So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
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