I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
Randomize
