gavin joseph was born around 1 oclock 9lbs 12oz... over 21 inches long
Thats what she said
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
Randomize
