When you told me you were coming to my show, I didn't know you were bringing Satan and Brokeback Mountain with you.
he looks like a really good dad on facebook
Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
130 PACKAGES of glow sticks! The going rate of a rave is $38.30! GET READY FOR THE GLORGY!!!!!!!!!!!!
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
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