somebody snuck up and got me drunk
it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
I found my old addy guy via fb who clearly understands the supply and demand curve of addy during finals so he's gonna hook me up.
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
You told him you loved him!?
I mean if he translated "Zi luve ku" as that then yes.
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
Your shirt... Was in my pants
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
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