I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
youre talking to a girl on facebook chat right now and im sitting behind her in class lol. creepy?
stalking is really helping my grade.. I followed him to a review session tonight
You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
Randomize
