worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
dpoing straight shots of jhameson. boys are imp ressed. i apologize
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
Well at least ssomeone is or the state is tafing over ir in twligiob
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
Randomize
