2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
Randomize
