i said send nudes i get bra and panties. thats not what i fucking asked for.
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
The only thing I really remember is repeating "I hope I still have a job on Monday". Oh and pulling my boob out of my dress.
So I take it the company Christmas dinner went well then...
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
If I die, sorry about rent.
Helped a guy at work today that did nothing but stare at my chest....safe to say the Girls were looking G.O.O.D. today.
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
Randomize
