If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
Oh my God, that is a gorgeous man. And I wasn't even gay until five minutes ago.
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
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