so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
I still have a little drunk in my system
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
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