Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
Randomize
