just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
Yes. I feel like complaining about sex all the time with a 21 year old might be punishable by death of the sex gods so I try not to
I heard moaning and ass slapping and sponge bob.
If he survived pride he can survive a gay bar
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
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