wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
We got them high and they had an hour long debate on the best way to get cum out of eyes.
you better fuck at least one or both of them.
we're ranked number 5 for having the most pot in the country for a university school. idk if i should feel worried or just plain blessed.
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
pray to the hookup gods
Randomize
