If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
Wedsnesdays are always enlightening. Tonights revealation: One should not smoke from something taller than their person.
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
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