my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
Randomize
