We're gonna have to suck it up and start making out for free drinks. No homo. I'm watching Tyra "I kissed a girl and I got free drinks."
Let's do it. All homo
you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
there's a girl in the library on mysapce. she must have missed the memo.
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
Randomize
