Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
Randomize
