Hahahaha do you think bella ever gave edward head?
You smell like a Billy Joel song
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
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