Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
So if you want this MFM threesome thing to happen the other guy is here and willing
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
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