that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
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