Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
I just want you to know that i deffinately saw the baby clothes, and didn't freak out and still had sex with him. I'm going to hell.
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
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