I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
i hope not, i just know that at one point I was sitting on the bathroom floor eating bugles and crying because i had no one to show that it looked like I had witch nails when i stuck them on the ends of all ofmy fingers.
oh but the power of the cock will take you to places you never been..i flew to hawaii once to sleep witha chick
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
Randomize
