you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
New justification for blow: drug week; 'how it's made'
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
What the hell do you do when your fuck buddy leaves to go for a piss naked and 20 minutes later hasn't come back and can't be found anywhere in the house or outside but has left his phone, tee shirt and shoes in your bedroom.
I don't think there is a pre defined social etiquette for a lost naked fuck buddy now roaming the streets.
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
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