spencer pratt says his family invinted chess
that kid is like the al gore of hollywood.
ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
She told me I should be a condom model.
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land
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