Dude she has a bf and shes on lockdown more than Nelson Mandela in 95
AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
I saw your dick pic and thought there goes the last thread of my heterosexuality.
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
Randomize
