He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
Found a bar with a washer and dryer and they serve food. I never have to leave
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
Randomize
