You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
Randomize
