so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
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woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
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