First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
We discussed how the marijuana was making the dopamine float around our nucleus accumbens last night when we were high. Yet another example of how our science classes are perverting our good times.
Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
Not too sure about the toy story pull ups. The kids point to their crotch all day and say woody.
don't worry, your friend will b fine, they treat virgins nicely around here
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
Not to make her into that kind of girl, but she did have a condom mural
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
Randomize
