I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
Dude she threw his clothes out n 8th floor window and her dog tried to bite his dick off. So the answer is yes it could be worse...
It was perfect I came I passed out in his comfortable bed then a glass of jack Daniels fell from the bed post and spilled all over my face
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
Sexual Dilemma - Covid Edition: Flirting with a cute frat boy. The Cougar in me wants to go back to his frat house and fuck his cocky brains out. The adult in me doesn’t want to get Covid and have to quarantine in a frat house for 2 weeks\n
Randomize
