Whod you bang
I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
IM A SHIT SUOW THE GUYS AT THE PMACR TOLD ME AJDBO I WEBF RO WALNARY WITH OU SHOES! I WASHT LLOWES FLOWERSA
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
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