we need to get ahold of those "sexting" teens on tyra. HAWT!
wasnt one 13?
I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
mid-october of freshman year. goals have shifted from "no more guys on my floor" to "all the guys on my floor."
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
Randomize