were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
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