yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
I'm with Tony. He said he volunteers his ball sack for waxing but you will have to wait a few weeks. It is a freshly shaved sack. I guess he thought he was gonna get lucky. Wtf?
Smooth sack
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
legit question. can i put a condom down our garbage disposal? my rents are coming over in 20
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
she broke the sink..i repeat the sink is off the wall. send help
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