it hurts more in the daytime
okay serious question, the water is shut off in your house, do you attempt and use the clean toilet water for your new bong?
And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
Randomize
