Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
We have nothing in common but the sex rocks, would it be awful to develop a drug habit just to have a topic of conversation?
stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
found a hand written recpiet for 'one doe fawn' on an open crate in my living room need help to find it
where the hell would u of bought a deer
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
Randomize
