You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
The milf did the body paint, come to the bar
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
For a girl who cried from fear the last time she was asked out, this. Is. TERRIFYING!
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
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