I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
am i the only one who has tried sucking their own cock????
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
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